I am wasting my time. I keep finding things to occupy myself with, such as jobs that do not really pay the amount of work I put in. Or customers that do not really know what they want, and then torture me with their own business insecurities and mistakes.
There must be something principally wrong in the way I manage my life, if these things keep happening to me repeatedly. I keep putting my fingers on mistakes I make, and fixing the mistakes, but there are always more, and it makes me realize that it will not be until i’m dead that all the mistakes are fixed.
Which puts the whole thing in question, really. Maybe instead of fixing my own behavior, and mistakes I make, I should accept myself and learn to live with it. However, it seems like my environment does not accept me. So perhaps the mistake I am making is that I keep surrounding myself with people who simply do not approve of me the way I am.
It is ok if some person wants you to change just 2% of who you are, in order for him to accept you 100%. But what happens when people want you to change more than 50% of who you are?
And this brings me to yet another question: What happens if I myself, want to change who I am at more than 50% rate? Happily, this is not the case; I am quite content with who I am, and left to my own devices I beleive I would not need to change much. In order to test this theory, I would have to clone myself x 10,000 times, move the clones to a small secluded village somewhere, and live there among my clones, and then find all the faults. This situation should, in theory (my theory) make all my internal conflicts float to the surface. Once pinpointed, I would be able to kill my clones, and live as a better being, more because I feel whole inside, than being truly perfect in an absolute manner.